Depressed
Time now is 0427 hrs, wee hour in the morning, Im at Pioneer Mall Macdonalds. Just finish studying for Microeconomics. Shall continue with Macro part later in the day. I still micro is alot easier than macro, but macro is alot more interesting. Hmm..Contradiction..
Had a talk with Mr Fax yesterday. It hit me. Reality slaps me right on. He asked me why am I mugging so hard for? What is my goal? What is my focus? What is the whole point?
I cannot even decide on my Major, I cannot even decide what I want to do in life later on, so what if I get CAP 4, so what if I get my 2nd upper at the end of 4years? I would just be a fucked up coporate employee sucking up to my bosses and hoping he would give me a pay rise. Is my utlimate aim to get a good paying job and climb up the coporate ladder and spend my whole life repaying loans after loans, bills after bills? My answer is a definite NO. Then what am I studying for?
Well, I've thought of screwing studies and move on to learn business ropes from my uncles who are bosses their whole life. But then again, the opportunities are just too great. Or M I just too afraid of failures, I'll take the later....
In any year of graduating ARTS students, about 1000 odd or so, 60% odd would get a job within 6months from graduation, slightly more therafter. Out of these 60 odd %, I would make a safe conservative esitmate of half are either bonded to the civil service or going into the civil service line. All become but statistics.
Quoting a friend of mine, YY, "we are all but insignficance, we just make up the statstics in any given population". Not in exact words but the idea is as such, thats YY and his "YYism". No matter how depressing it might seem, it is significantly true ironically.
It kept me thinking for the day. Now I've got an answer, a short sighted, superficial plan. But I'm sure it is one that would leave me with no regrets thereafter. It is, regardless of what I want to do in the future, regardless of what my goal and focus might be, my immediate goal would be to do my best for my exams, I will not give up now. I've gone to far to give in now.
I do not wish for a case of my current results to behold my goals in the future, such that I would give myself a chance to blame it on my slackness to stop me from achieving greater things in life later on. It would also be a test of my treshold in the academic field. I would not regret or feel that I've wasted my time be it I make or break this time.
This is not the best time and I'm not in the best state of mind to be formulating goals now. I will give it a serious thought after the exams. No one can advice me on this matter, its only me. I've been lost for 2 decades already and I've lost 2 decades of my life already so to speak.
Its too late now. Its too late to look back and grumble about the past, for the past does not speak of the future.
I shall go home and sleep now. Its 5am already. Later peepz..
Had a talk with Mr Fax yesterday. It hit me. Reality slaps me right on. He asked me why am I mugging so hard for? What is my goal? What is my focus? What is the whole point?
I cannot even decide on my Major, I cannot even decide what I want to do in life later on, so what if I get CAP 4, so what if I get my 2nd upper at the end of 4years? I would just be a fucked up coporate employee sucking up to my bosses and hoping he would give me a pay rise. Is my utlimate aim to get a good paying job and climb up the coporate ladder and spend my whole life repaying loans after loans, bills after bills? My answer is a definite NO. Then what am I studying for?
Well, I've thought of screwing studies and move on to learn business ropes from my uncles who are bosses their whole life. But then again, the opportunities are just too great. Or M I just too afraid of failures, I'll take the later....
In any year of graduating ARTS students, about 1000 odd or so, 60% odd would get a job within 6months from graduation, slightly more therafter. Out of these 60 odd %, I would make a safe conservative esitmate of half are either bonded to the civil service or going into the civil service line. All become but statistics.
Quoting a friend of mine, YY, "we are all but insignficance, we just make up the statstics in any given population". Not in exact words but the idea is as such, thats YY and his "YYism". No matter how depressing it might seem, it is significantly true ironically.
It kept me thinking for the day. Now I've got an answer, a short sighted, superficial plan. But I'm sure it is one that would leave me with no regrets thereafter. It is, regardless of what I want to do in the future, regardless of what my goal and focus might be, my immediate goal would be to do my best for my exams, I will not give up now. I've gone to far to give in now.
I do not wish for a case of my current results to behold my goals in the future, such that I would give myself a chance to blame it on my slackness to stop me from achieving greater things in life later on. It would also be a test of my treshold in the academic field. I would not regret or feel that I've wasted my time be it I make or break this time.
This is not the best time and I'm not in the best state of mind to be formulating goals now. I will give it a serious thought after the exams. No one can advice me on this matter, its only me. I've been lost for 2 decades already and I've lost 2 decades of my life already so to speak.
Its too late now. Its too late to look back and grumble about the past, for the past does not speak of the future.
I shall go home and sleep now. Its 5am already. Later peepz..
posted by The Custodian at 5:04 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home