1 more day to go...

Just got back from studying for my last paper. Its just 1 more day to the end of all my agonies for the entire November. I will push on for these final hours, giving up now is the dumbest thing one can do at this point in time. I will persevere.

Bringing me to thought, of my secondary school motto: Perservere, Seek, Serve (PSS), goes insync with Pioneer Secondary School. What? Never heard of it? Well, its simply the worst school one can ever go to in their life. Lolx. Worst in the West at least. Cut off point for express in 2005 was 180. Highest point was only 228. Lowest cut off for Normal(T) was 71. How low can a school cut off go? Well..there are some good teachers in there though. And I'm not 1 bit ashamed of saying I was a student there.

Yesterday, Mr Wee said that if we were all not from PSS, we would definitely be somewhere better off today. I would choose to agree to this statement but also, if not for the school, I would not have accumulated valuable experiences, one wouldnt have learnt through Branded schools so to speak. It is through interactions with these mediocre people in the society that one learnt and understand them, not to say that I'm any more superior than them, I, myself, is as mediocre as would any of them. Sociologically speaking, I'm just understanding myself from a more object point of view.

Malay Studies, Its not going to be an easy paper I presume, looking at the past 4 semesters of exam Qns. 2 hr paper, gotta answer 3 qns, of which 1 is compulsory, and choose 2 outta of 5 for the next part. No open book, 3 essays. I had selectively studied only 3 topics which I hoped I spotted correctly.

Today is start of Major declaration exercise and modules preference listing. My shore is still not in sight. What should I do?

Time to get some rest. So long.....

Now playing: San Hu Hai by Jay Chou and Lara. I just love the Ci and the Qu.

5 down, 1 more to go...

Gosh..everyone else seemed to have already finish their exam, while me, I am still left with 1 more paper on thurs, Malay Studies. Time is passing so slowly.

Well, I'm gonna be busy this entire December.

Thurs night there is a BBQ at Khai Qing's hm to celebrate his belated birthday and also the end of our exams. lolx.

Fri, Sat and Sun, I would be back to my sales job, selling TV, at Funan Challenger. Following Mon, my HO course at police academy will start, runs for 2 weeks, wkends in between, i will be selling TV also. So from 5th to 19th I'm on course, from 20th to 23rd is my 1st Aid course. 26th to 28th dec, gotta go to chalet organised by Mr Wee. Well see, there goes my entire Dec.

Went cycling on Saturday night with those dudes. Rolled to Esplanade and rolled back. Have not gone cycling since a long long long time ago.

Oh ya! I got back my Malay Studies Term Project last week. Got a B+, was excepting an A though. Nvm, it only signifies that I got to score better in the finals to get an A. Kinda hard though. Heard that the Prof wasnt quite generous with marks, there are ppl who got Cs for the essay

Today's psychology paper was tuff. Out of 100 mcqs, I couldn't do 16 qns, so I hoped my luck would be good, psychology is my only hope of securing an A left in my transcript this semester. It is the easiest also. Mid term, i counted 12Qns I couldnt do, in the end I got 88/100, though those I got wrong are not all those that I couldnt do, but it was still quite a good gauge nevertheless. So if this time round, all goes well, I should be getting 84/100. lolx..I wouldnt mind anything slightly higher of course.

Well my predictions for results goes:

Psychology: A-
Economics: B+
Singapore Society: B+
Malay Studies: B+ (Paper not taken at time of published)
Japanese: B

Targetted Cap: 4.0

Shall see how much my actual results deviate from these in a month time.

Later.

Happy 21st to LING-A-LING-A-LING!

Its the sleepy face LING's birthday! lolx

Ling-a-ling-a-ling and me b4 she flew her arse off this year.

Hohoho..Happy Hatchday Ling...Well it will be 25th Nov over in London at 0800hr Singapore time, I would be sleeping by then, So i gonna blog this now..lolx..

Well well well, be happy ya, cuz i'm sure your shore would be in sight soon. hmm..Getting a Master's Degree at the age of 21, who can beat that?! hahax..hohoho..Enjoy your day ahead!! Btw, did you mention that in London, you needa be 21 in order to purchase alcohol? hahax..Now u CAN!

I am pretty much in a more delightful mood as compared to the whole of this week, probably the weekends is near..lolx..more so due to the nearing end of my exams..Hohoho..

I am going back to school later to borrow some books for my malay studies and study there till evening (depends on what time i wake up of course..lolx.). I've got a meeting to attend at Clementi Mac in the evening.

And for now, its bedtime stories, followed by a period of long hibernation till noon I guess. So long peepz!

New outlook!

Well, was kinda bored last night, so went searching for new blogskins for my blog, was trying to find something with a autumn background back to no avail. So end up found a real cute one, which is the one you are seeing now, Chicken Little.

For those who had just been teleported from the SONG dynasty, Chicken Little is the latest animated movie presented by Walt Disney pictures about..a Chicken..obviously...Gone are the days of Cinderella and the Seven Dwarfs, Snoe White and the Beast.

Hmm..I am pleased with my new blogskin and also the irritating song..lolx...Irritate you to death! hahax.

Grumbling....

Here I am again, at 0400hr in the morning, not sleeping, facing my 17" LCD monitor, fingers rapidly interacting with my keyboard, wondering what is wrong with my life and what am I going to do with it.

Everything is so wrong. If only I was a little smarter, then I could get into the LAW faculty and all my problems would be solved. If only I was a little dumber, then I wouldnt have to worry about such matters and live my life as of majority of the population. But I am just smacked right between the 2 extremes, so stuck, so sick, so whatever.. If only..Whats the point?

Paper tomorrow evening. Paper again. Whole life revolves around paper after paper. Term papers, Essays, Final papers, paper qualifications and what not? Fuck all the papers..Ironically, I am going to write about Singapore, the society about nothing but papers, for tomorrow's paper. The system that I so much wished I wasnt in. Life is just so ironical. Anomy prevails.

Whateva~

Sleepless night

Japanese paper at 0900hr, waking up at 0730hr, its now 0345hr, can't really sleep the entire night.

Went to bed at 0000hr, woke up at 0130hr, went back to sleep, woke up at 0300hr again, and couldnt get back to sleep since.

No, its not examinations stress and anxiety that cause my sleeplessness. I've lost all that anxiety all too long ago. Together with it, I lost the motivation too. Now, I just want it to be over and done with real soon.

Let's talk about econs paper yesterday afternoon, I thought it was quite a difficult paper. The way the Questions were phrased and asked were quite different from the past year papers, which I had wholeheartedly worshipped right before the examination. It was mainly a test on concept and analytical thinking rather than a committment to memory work. I think I did okay, but so would the rest of the 650 odd of us who took the same paper. Not much hope for an A, probably a B+ would be good.

I've learned in my Psychology module that if one could not fall asleep, due to any reasons whatsoever, there is really no point forcing yourself to sleep by rolling all over your bed and getting frustrated over not being able to get sleep. All these bring about anxiety and all the more one cannot sleep. One should just get up and engage in something that would slow down the brain functioning and whatever that calms the mind, like reading or listening to music, and try getting back to sleep when you start feeling tired again. That would probably be more helpful.

So right here, I am typing whatever that comes to mind without thinking, hoping that by staring into the monitor would make me tired out, so that I can get back to sleep, and I think its working.............Yawnzz....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

为何？

这一切都是为何呢？

毫无意义的在追寻些什么？

盲目的执著都为了不知其的所以然。　

结果会不会是我想要的呢？我无法答复，不敢去想，更无法坦然面对。结果提罢，我真正要的是何物，还是个为知数。何来的结果？

人往往会在人生中迷失了自我，但通常事后都能找到真正的自己， 我能不能？以找寻的好久好久，前面的路还是一片茫然。

路是自己走的，自己的将来是亲手规划的，是否就这么样迷迷糊糊地走下去，我知道没人能帮得了我， 就让我自生自灭吧。

心里的那盏灯以灭，暂时无法再把它点燃，希望是暂时吧。。。

希望转为渴望转为失望转为绝望。。。

真的累了，又有谁知， 有谁晓呢？

这一切都是为何呢？

indifferent

indifferent..indifferent..indifferent..indifferent..

tired..tired..tired..tired..tired..tired..tired..tired..

really..really..really..really..

its all not worth nothing at all..

not worth it..not worth it..not worth it..

tired..tired..tired..tired..tired..tired..

worn out..worn out..worn out..worn out..worn out..worn out..

bye

T H E S L A C K O !!!

I've slack the whole of today! Doing nothing at all. After my morning paper went to the library to return books. Wanted to borrow some books but its either in sg/malaysia collection or rbr, so can't borrow. Gotta go back school some day to take notes from the readings.

Came back home, slack around until evening, went for dinner at JP with dear, came back slept till 10pm. Woke up watch TV till now.

What a wonderful day without books and studying! Tommorrow shall go back to my routine again.

Slack Slack Slack Slack Slack Slack Slack Slack Slack Slack Slack Slack~~Its Party time!! Soon~~

大家好

大家好。我的名字叫伟文。今年二十二岁，是名国大在级生。我的中文写得一塌糊涂，一看就知道我不是中文系的。已经好久好久没用中文动笔了，中文程度真是非一般的逊色。要是给以前教过我中文的中文老师们看见此篇，我这张脸真不知该往哪搁好。正所谓，“语不惊人，死不休”，我语文程度真是能惊死不少人啊！大概都背这番等闲之语给吓死了吧。。。

Well Well Well...I think I should not continue using Chinese to write. The more I look at it, the more I want to puke. That is about all that is left of what I can churn out using Chinese. This is the standard my Chinese has degraded to. Hopeless. My Chinese teacher would be ashamed of my Chinese now.

That is not the worst thing. The worst thing is, while my mandarin is going down the big canal all this while, I do not see any significant improvement to my English. I see it going down the big canal as well. Gosh! Needless to say, my Japanese.

Hahax..Well I'm just bored. Later..

Good Morning Singapore!!

Good morning Singapore!!!! Welcome to Autumn's textbook of life!!! Its 0355hr on my clock now, how is everyone doing?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope you peepz have a great day ahead!!!

Thats lame! What the heck!?

Just got back home. Just showered. Blogging now. Whats new? C'mon....

The whole night at Macdonalds without MSN and the internet. Skynetglobal is down. Initially I thought my laptop is going to heaven, thats why cannot connect, then I went asking a few other fellows with their lappies, and they can't connect too. So my laptop isn't going to heaven. Luckily.
Spend the whole time practicing and memorizing all the Kanji and Katakana words. I've learnt my lesson, mid term I never memorize, and I lost quite alot of marks on that. History shall not repeat itself.

Thursday is my 1st paper. Hope to finish this ordeal fast. I am starting to think that I'm "over-studying". A few peepz have been telling me that too. I wonder whats with my overzealousness. Crazy.

I'm becoming fatter and fatter due to my inactivity. I'm becoming dormant physically. i'm gonna die from high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart attack, Stroke etc etc. I shall do something about it.

Alright, I'm going to slumberland. Good night Singapore. Good night everyone. Same time, same URL, till then, longz....

Happy 21st hatchday!

Time now is 0433hr, I just got back home from Pioneer Mall Macdonalds, decided to blog at home today. Just had my shower, feeling rather awake..lolx.

Happy 21st hatchday to Kailin and Kaijun!! The key to adulthood, the beginning of all miseries in life. Hahaz..Should be more positive..The right to get married without parental consent, the right to vote, the right to legally and openly enjoy Restricted Arts, no doubts I'm sure Kaijun would have had her vast and wealth of experience in this field of arts long before..Hmm..what lousy analogies..My brains are getting fried...Anyway, hope the 2 of ya enjoy this great day, amidst the exams though..hahax...party with the BOOKS!!!!

Got another coupa of 21st birthdays coming up..Superfen on the 20th, Jinny ger on the 21th, Ling a ling on the 25th and elizabeth(22nd le) on the 27th..All the gers...BOYs...ermm....lemme think.....i dunno..hahax....

Completed my macroecons today. John Maynard Keynes did not manage to kill me, now i've Keynesian theory all up in my fried brains. Did some of my Malay Studies readings. Later i'm going to start on my most "LOVED" module "LAJ 101 Japanese 1". Note the inverted commons. Now that I've done badly for my mid terms, 45.5/60, when the average score was 50/60, Oral was a complete flop, to pass my oral would be a miracle, my only hope left now not to get a C but at least a B- or B, is my final paper, which constitutes 40%. Its my only gleam of light left. Ganbatte Kudasai!!

Think these days, my blog entry will bored people to death. Its either on school stuffs or its on school stuff. Ya..Its not a typo, its all about school stuffs, exams, modules, studying, readings, libraries, essays, etc...this list is by no means exhuastive, this paper only serves to illustrate a few pertinent features that would convey the writer's stand to his readers. Did i miss out essays? ya and essays..lolx...

Well thats about everything in my life now, if there is still a life left so to speak.

I took so long to produce this entry...unbelievable....I'm going into the world of my own soon, where nothing and no one can penetrate into and impede unto me, it is that very few hours every night/day, its hard to differentiate between day and night recently, that I can move into seclusion, enjoy serenity and peace. In simple terms, it is to sleep.

Sleeping is such an enjoyable stint whom most of us lack in this modern industrialized capitalist society..lolx..Sociology?..nah..I'm not going to start again..I'm going to sleep...TaTa...

Now playing: [Xian Wei Jing Xia De Ai Qing] by Huang YiDa. Soothing and slow song except for the middle part when it gets faster, slows down again toward the end. Nice song, great lyrics. Enjoy.

Depressed

Time now is 0427 hrs, wee hour in the morning, Im at Pioneer Mall Macdonalds. Just finish studying for Microeconomics. Shall continue with Macro part later in the day. I still micro is alot easier than macro, but macro is alot more interesting. Hmm..Contradiction..

Had a talk with Mr Fax yesterday. It hit me. Reality slaps me right on. He asked me why am I mugging so hard for? What is my goal? What is my focus? What is the whole point?

I cannot even decide on my Major, I cannot even decide what I want to do in life later on, so what if I get CAP 4, so what if I get my 2nd upper at the end of 4years? I would just be a fucked up coporate employee sucking up to my bosses and hoping he would give me a pay rise. Is my utlimate aim to get a good paying job and climb up the coporate ladder and spend my whole life repaying loans after loans, bills after bills? My answer is a definite NO. Then what am I studying for?

Well, I've thought of screwing studies and move on to learn business ropes from my uncles who are bosses their whole life. But then again, the opportunities are just too great. Or M I just too afraid of failures, I'll take the later....

In any year of graduating ARTS students, about 1000 odd or so, 60% odd would get a job within 6months from graduation, slightly more therafter. Out of these 60 odd %, I would make a safe conservative esitmate of half are either bonded to the civil service or going into the civil service line. All become but statistics.

Quoting a friend of mine, YY, "we are all but insignficance, we just make up the statstics in any given population". Not in exact words but the idea is as such, thats YY and his "YYism". No matter how depressing it might seem, it is significantly true ironically.

It kept me thinking for the day. Now I've got an answer, a short sighted, superficial plan. But I'm sure it is one that would leave me with no regrets thereafter. It is, regardless of what I want to do in the future, regardless of what my goal and focus might be, my immediate goal would be to do my best for my exams, I will not give up now. I've gone to far to give in now.

I do not wish for a case of my current results to behold my goals in the future, such that I would give myself a chance to blame it on my slackness to stop me from achieving greater things in life later on. It would also be a test of my treshold in the academic field. I would not regret or feel that I've wasted my time be it I make or break this time.

This is not the best time and I'm not in the best state of mind to be formulating goals now. I will give it a serious thought after the exams. No one can advice me on this matter, its only me. I've been lost for 2 decades already and I've lost 2 decades of my life already so to speak.

Its too late now. Its too late to look back and grumble about the past, for the past does not speak of the future.

I shall go home and sleep now. Its 5am already. Later peepz..

Nihongo O nan desu ka?! Zenzen wakarimasen!!!!!!

Just finished my Japanese Oral Test a while ago. It was drastic, devastating, hopeless. Did horribly and responsed retardedly in the individual section.

I was like "HUH?!", what the hell are you talking about? I think I made a fool outta myself. My tutor asked me If I listen to Jap Music, then I forgot that ONGAKU is music, so I asked her in jap "ONGAKU nan desu ka", meaning what is ongaka?! hahax...Ridiculous!

Well forget it. Now that I've got no more Jap lessons, I'm happy. Probably flunked my Oral anyway. SO i can only hope my other modules would pull up my CAP score.

Alright, shall go off to continue mugging! GANBATTE!!!!!!!!!!! Jap Sucks To the CORE!!!!

SS Essay

Got back my Singapore Society Term Essay today. I think my Prof is quite lenient on the grading. My group kinda wrote out of point, with our terminologies defined wrongly. We wrote on PC gaming as a form of sub culture, this in fact should be wrong, it should be define as a popular culture but anyway, think he did not penalised us on that. So we got a B+, its the common grade i guess. I've heard quite a few who got B+ too. Should be glad about it. Judging on the kind of effort we put in. We got the entire term to do but we started talking about it only 7 days before due date. 3 of us never met up a single time to discuss, everything was discussed over MSN. From the start to the handing up, we didnt meet up at all. Fantastic right with the help of technology. Can't help it, we wanted to meet up but couldnt find a common time, cuz i am from arts, another ger is from engi and another ger from sci, its really a cross fac combination, cross cultural too. Cuz 1 of them is from Vietnam and the other from China and me? Singapore. Lolx...

My Malay Studies Prof finally commented on my group's essay. Did some changes just now. Should be ready for submission. Maybe can get an A for this one. Hopefully.

Mugging as usual. Nothing much interesting. The library is so crowded today, can't find a place to sit, after editing my essay came back home and slack till now.

Was just wondering, things are going at a pretty much fast pace. Its just 3months since I started school and I'm ending the semester soon. Within this 3months, went through 1 exam period, going through another now, did countless essays. Kinda a little bit too fast for me.

I am targetting a cap of 4 and above, which is a B+ average. I'm going achieve it. Till now, all my results are hitting the target, if I maintain this and dont screw up my finals, I will be safe. Hopefully.

Lifeless me

Attended my SS make up tutorial in the morning, 10-12. Studying in the library since then. The library is filled with people even on a Saturday. Everyone is mugging. I am too. I've become a mugger. Where has my life gone to? 2 weeks from the exams, the stress is slowly accumulating and acting up against me.

Today Chongliang and Jack is participating in the SUBARU Challenge. This year's competition is slightly more difficult than the previous years. Previously it was individual effort, make or break its on up to oneself but this year, its a team effort. A team of 2, will be on 2 seperate Car, if 1 member of the team gives up, both are considered out. They are giving away 2 Subaru TS to the last team standing. Can't squeeze out time to go down and support them. Wish them all the BEST!!

Just emailed my prof to clarify about some terminologies in the readings. I think Sociologists can't express themselves in simple words, and they need to come out with the specfic big sounding words which will kill students. Luckily this is only a Singapore Studies module, Uni requirement, and I am a not Sociology major. I will die.

Malay studies Prof still have yet to reply to my email. Sent him a copy of my group's essay for him to comment. I think he is busy celebrating Hari Raya. lolx..

Going crazy..Pen off to continue mugging..later..

Autumn returns

It has been a long week ever since I got drank. Now I'm back. No, I didnt had a hangover for a week. I did more constructive stuff. I did not touch OH since then, and wont be for the next month I think. No more clubbing for me till after the exams!

Started studying for exams. My 1st paper is on the 17th Nov, last paper on the 1st Dec. It might seem still far away, but in fact its only 17days to be exact and due to my poor planning, I've got back to back papers on the 21st, 22nd and 23rd.

Good Luck and all the best to all NTU peepz having exams now.

I've got Jap Oral test next Fri, think I'm going to fail badly. I can only blabber nonsensical japanese.

1 more essay due next week. Done my part on it. Waiting for collation so I can start on the conclusion. Got to finish this essay soon, don't want to waste time on it.

Last week:

Went Sentosa on Sun(yest), big bright sun, contrary to the expected downpour, which has been so the past few days.

Fri went Seoul Graden for dinner with dear, 1 for 1. Eat till bloated. Drove Mr Wee to Double O(when you drink, go public..lolx), then went driving around in his car with dear. lolx..Waste petrol..Of course topped up for him after that.

Sat was mugging day. Econs econs..Marco is killing me. John Maynard Keynes "saved" the world with Keynesian theory but he nearly killed me.

Thurs went Marina Sq with dear and Angeline for dinner. Ate at HANS. My 1st time to Marina Sq after they revamped it. Half the shops are not in place yet.

Tues went to Police Academy(Tracom) to collect my Uniforms. Will be going for HO(Honorary Officer) Course in Dec. In case you are wondering, It just my CCA(NPCC). And if you are wondering again, YES, there is NPCC in NUS! The timeslot clashes with my MS lecture, and so for the 1st time in my entire semester, I skipped lecture.

Last Mon and Wed, are mugging days........

This week:

Today is DEPAVALI! Happy Devapali to all my Indian friends, there all not many though..lolx.

Studying just now..My Singapore Society readings..Cant understand a shit..Can't those ANGMOHs academics just use simple english, like the PROFs in NUS, whom readings are easily comprehended. Must they use those bombastical, metaphorical, analogical,imagerical words? Or maybe it just my english? Shalt complain..

Yesterday I was in school the whole afternoon doing my essay. So difficult, cant churn out anything. Started at 12nn, finished it at 1730hr. 5 and a half hrs. I think I am crazy. Took so long to write an essay of only 1300+ words.

Alright, I am going to watch TV, slack around, wait for Dinner, not going to touch my books anymore for the day.

Now playing: Jian Jian Dan Dan by JJ Lin JunJie.